When it comes to relationship advice, everyone claims to be an expert on couples counseling. Your mom. Your boss. Maybe even your cousin who’s longest relationship of 5 years has been with her cat. With so many experts giving you their advice (whether you ask for it or not) it can be exhausting and confusing to figure out which piece of advice to take. Whoever you take relationship advice from just make sure that these 6 relationship tips go in one ear and out the other:
The Worst Relationship Advice: If There Is A Fight, The Relationship Is Not Right
You show me a couple who doesn’t “fight”, and I can show you a couple who might be hiding resentment. Having disagreements is a normal part of any healthy relationship. While a high frequency of fights can be an alarm in a relationship, the style in which you and your partner fight are far more important. Try to recall certain details when you and your partner fight. Do one of you bring up outside issues that don’t have anything to do with the issue that brought about the fight? Is there physical violence during the fight? Is one of you competing to “win” the fight by any means necessary? These are the questions you need to ask in order to learn how to find a peaceful resolution with your partner whenever issues come about. If you want to go even deeper to pinpoint when a fight between you and your partner goes downhill, there is technology utilized by certified relationship counselors that can actually pinpoint emotions during moments of a fight.
Never Go To Bed Angry
This old-school tip always sounds good in theory. But there are times where a good night rest and cooling off can be the best thing for an argument. You and your partner’s day can be full of miscommunications and frustrations that can make you physically AND emotionally exhausted. It can be very difficult to work out an issue when you are in this state. You don’t want to just throw your hands up and say, “WHATEVER!” because your tired and you also don’t want to “hit below the belt” because you’re frustrated either. A good night’s sleep can often deliver a clear head to talk things out more effectively and with more control.
Your Partner Should Already Know What Your Needs Are
This is another tip in theory that sounds good, but it is just not reality. Everyone has needs. But no one is a mind reader. We tend to feel like since our mates know some of our deepest thoughts, fears, and secrets then surely they know every individual need that we have. Even if we’ve never told them! Or maybe we did tell them and they met our needs perfectly for a while but have gradually forgotten more and more. I find this situation very common with couples. Having individual needs is not asking for too much. But you still have to ask (or remind) for it! Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Gently but directly communicate your needs. You two can then make a plan to set reminders for each other to meet those needs. There are free applications like Asana that can help turn your needs into your mate’s habits!
Just Be Honest
Being open and honest is crucial for a relationship to thrive. But there can be a fine line between being truthful and being insensitive. If you have been with your partner for some time then you might be aware of certain subjects they are passionate, fearful, or insecure about. It’s important that you are strategically honest with your partner on these subjects and not cynically honest. We can often mask our truths with jokes to make them seem more “playful” and not to be taken seriously by our partner. Especially if we think the truth might hurt our partner’s feelings. Your partner needs your honest thoughts on these subjects, but they also would like you to respect their feelings about it.
Text Them How You Really Feel!!!
Picture this: You and a friend are having a passionate conversation about an issue between you and your partner. The conversation concludes that you should send your partner a text right now on another related issue that you forgot to bring up during an argument. STOP RIGHT THERE! Having an argument over text can completely complicate communication extremely fast. No matter how many emojis or giphys we send with our texts, it’s not possible to effectively express to our partner an issue via text. A text cannot fully communicate how serious or upset you are like your body language and voice tone can. Without these crucial cues, your partner is only left with filling in the blanks with their own imagination. This could turn a simple miscommunication into a relationship ending fight.
The Best Relationship Advice: Seek Experienced and Outside Guidance
Your mom, your best friend, and even your cousin might have the best intentions of seeing you in a healthy relationship. But they all can have outside personal factors that can sway your relationship in a direction they may view beneficial to you AND them. Maybe your dad never liked your partner because of one isolated incident that he never got over. Maybe your co-worker has the “hots” for you so the co-worker advises your relationship should go on a “break”. These common factors can make someones 2 cents cheapen your relationship into a union for other people instead of for each other. It’s important to have an experienced advisor outside of your social circle whose only true motive is to see you and your partner in a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.
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