One of the most common obstacles I help my clients overcome as a life coach in Dallas is self-sabotage. It’s funny how with all the obstacles our world and lives throw at us in the pursuit of our goals, it is ourselves that can be the most relentless in not making them happen. Whether it is procrastination or just simply thinking we’re not good enough to achieve a dream, our minds can be the x-factor that pushes us to reach for our highest aspirations or stop us from ever getting started. While most of our external obstacles are temporary, our self-sabotaging habits are constant which make them the most crucial obstacles to overcome. They can also get very complicated to change especially since there are habits we don’t even recognize that can hurt our progression. Here are 4 ways to stop sabotaging your life goals.
Life Coach Rule 1: Stop Being So Hard On Yourself
Many of our self-sabotaging habits can paralyze us with shame. This comes from our conscious mind telling us that we should “grow up!” or “just get over that!” This negative self-talk helps us to fail repeatedly. Instead of viewing our actions, or lack of, with disgust, we must view them with compassion. Can you visualize yourself telling a small child to just “grow up and get over it?” Yet we do it to ourselves all the time. Considering this can give you more clarity on the reasons why you do these same sabotaging activities and give you new-found passion to change.
Do An Emotional Inventory Of Your Life Goals
In order for us to truly understand our self-sabotage, we must understand the emotions behind them. Get a pen and paper. First, find a quiet place and just imagine what it would be like to reach your goal. Then, go a step further and try to imagine every step to that goal the best you can. While you’re writing these down, make sure you write down any negative feelings, fears, or thoughts that come up for each step. It could be anything; maybe you fear that the business idea you have might fail and cost your family everything? Maybe you don’t want to go vegan because your family will make fun of you? Maybe you don’t want to ask for that promotion because it might change you and your boss’ relationship? These fears and thoughts breed the anxiety that causes us to put our goals off or try doing them with half-effort. We can often think we are not qualified or talented enough so we quit or position ourselves to be asked to quit. When we identify these root emotions we are armed with the secret weapons to overcome them.
Question Your Fears and Thoughts
Our fears and thoughts have been with us for a long time. So they owe us some answers! It’s time for us to question them: What is the real fear of living up to my true potential? Do I really want to sabotage my opportunity to find true fulfillment? When we sit down to question these thoughts, we’ll start to realize how much time and energy we put into self-sabotaging activities. More importantly, we’ll ponder the alternative of not accomplishing our goals. Considering the alternative of not giving your goals a real chance can be a powerful motivation to stop self-sabotage.
Find Compassionate Accountability
It’s easy to find someone that will tell you are messing up. It’s not easy to find someone who will hold you accountable with compassion. Find a friend, partner, or life coach that will lift you up with compassion when you stumble but still keep you on track to your goals. Figure out what the smallest commitment you could make toward that goal and tell that person. No one in history has accomplished a life goal by themselves. You should not be alone either!
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